Just can't stop myself.
When we moved from upstate New York to California, he carried along the old snow shovel. We had had a long driveway - we'd lived in the suburbs when that meant a house on 2 acres - and he had to shovel that thing to get to work. We must have had a few shovels, but I just remember the one. He hung it in the garage and said that whenever he got homesick, he'd just go look at that shovel and feel better about leaving his hometown and moving someplace warmer.
I doubt he spent a lot of time being homesick. Our move meant a large increase in responsibility at work, and pay to go along with it. He was practical, even if also a little sentimental.
Now I have that shovel. It's not very good, compared to newer ones. Kind of weak. But it's a family heirloom.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Why join facebook?
A few friends have asked why I don't have a facebook page. Do you? Should I? Why? I think I might be too old. After all, I didn't understand twitter. And I still have a landline phone. (And will, till I can call 911 on my cellphone and not have to tell them where I am.) Oh, and I didn't get along too well on CafeMom - too many husband rants and tattoo questions. How old should a child be before getting a tattoo?
(I suddenly remember my mother asking her oldest grandson not to get his ear(s) pierced while she was still alive. I am turning into my mother, quickly.)
Sheesh. I guess I better keep the next AARP mailing that comes along...
(I suddenly remember my mother asking her oldest grandson not to get his ear(s) pierced while she was still alive. I am turning into my mother, quickly.)
Sheesh. I guess I better keep the next AARP mailing that comes along...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
A postscript
A few months before he died my father said to me "I would do anything for my family." Of course there were things he could not do for us, including some things that we would have really liked for him to do. No parent is perfect. I think he had a lot of regrets in his life. He had time to brood on his mistakes, and he did that. But I also know that overall, he did the best he could.
Most parents do. We are all limited. Of course there are just plain bad parents. But most parents are just flawed people, muddling through and trying to do the best they can. Most parents fail their children at one time or another. I guess everyone fails the people who depends on them, sometimes, in some way. Maybe it's a big way, or maybe it's not so big.
If I could tell him one thing today, it would be this: that I know he did the best he could for us.
I bet there are a lot of mothers and fathers out there that need to hear that. I bet I will need to hear that someday too.
Most parents do. We are all limited. Of course there are just plain bad parents. But most parents are just flawed people, muddling through and trying to do the best they can. Most parents fail their children at one time or another. I guess everyone fails the people who depends on them, sometimes, in some way. Maybe it's a big way, or maybe it's not so big.
If I could tell him one thing today, it would be this: that I know he did the best he could for us.
I bet there are a lot of mothers and fathers out there that need to hear that. I bet I will need to hear that someday too.
Random thoughts about my Dad
This time of year I always think about my father a lot. Partly because this is the month of his birthday and his funeral: he was born on August 2 and he died 3 days before his 75th birthday; his funeral was on his birthday. Also, it's election year and so many things about this election cycle would be driving my Dad nuts.
He was your original curmudgeon. Very crusty and very opinionated. Were his opinions well-informed? I don't know. He did read the paper, cover to cover, every day. For all my life that I can remember we had the daily paper delivered. When we moved here, it felt so weird not to subscribe to the paper; having the paper delivered was the right and proper adult thing to do. I don't recall my father reading anything else. Maybe Victory Through Air Power, which I still have.
Anyway, the election. He would be spending a lot of time reading the paper, grumbling, and muttering a variation on his most-used expression: "Who the hell does he think he is..." He would have a lot of comments about Barack Obama. Was my Dad a bigot, I wonder? I never heard (or remember hearing) him utter a word that would indicate that he was. I think he would be upset by Obama's youth, his socialist/liberal thinking and his negativity about the US. Would he like McCain any better? I kind of doubt it. He was a Nixon man. Really. He always said Nixon would be vindicated.
He was the child of immigrants: "Eastern European peasants" he used to say. No point going on about being Polish, or German, or Russian, because "Eastern Europe was always a mess." But his family never hyphenated. They were Americans, through and through, even if they did eat a lot of Kielbasa and pierogis. (At least, this is how I remember it. Family members may disagree. As the youngest kid, I am sure there are things I missed.) He was also of the generation that worked hard and didn't get government assistance - or if they did, they were ashamed and got off as soon as they could. He would not have patience for our welfare state. Divorce grieved him. Single motherhood by choice would make him angry, I'm sure. "Who the hell do these girls - they are not women - think they are..."
He had a great work ethic. Sometime in the '70's he got really sick with whatever flu was going around. I thought he was going to die. He had never, in my memory, stayed home from work! He worked for the same company for 50 years, from age 17 to age 67. (He finished high school at night classes.) Once I quit a job after 4 years; he was stunned and wanted to know why. When I said I hated it, he asked "how can you know already?" I am quite sure that he would not approve of my husband quitting his job to go back to school. "Not approve" is probably not strong enough: he would think him stupid and irresponsible. Maybe even evil. "What the hell is he doing, giving up a perfectly good job...." He was thrifty as that Depression generation was. But he liked nice clothes and always looked sharp. He liked nice ties, too. But he was never free with money.
Besides working hard at work, he didn't like to sit around much. He may have been hyperactive. Once I took him and my mom to a Tony Bennett concert. At the intermission, he didn't come back, but paced the lobby. Afterwards, he said he liked the show OK, but "he was a little long-winded." However, when the first grandbaby was born, he would just sit holding and gazing adoringly at that boy. He loved his grandchildren - even if he really didn't know much how to play with them and talk to them. He didn't seem to be what you'd call "good with kids." I learned all my mildly bad words listening to him put up the tent on our annual camping trips. (The really bad ones I learned from my big bro.)
He liked good food, particularly my mother's pizza, which she made just about every Sunday. Most weeks he'd say something like "well, you messed it up again!" after eating way too much. He did like his hot food hot, though, which made things a little difficult for my mother. The first Thanksgiving after he died, we were all pretty sad, of course, till my mom broke the mood by saying "at least no one's complaining that the food's cold!" To this day I am nervous about serving food that is not piping hot!
Part of his legacy was a love of '30's and '40's movies. We used to go to San Francisco to a revival movie house and watch Casablanca, The African Queen, so many others I can't remember. He would not be impressed with the current leading men. "John Wayne? He's not an actor, he's a performer. Conrad Veidt, now he was an actor!" (OK, Wayne is hardly current but that's the quote I remember.) He also loved cars - it seemed we always had a new/old car around. Lots of car photos in the boxes of old snapshots. He bought American, was specifically a Ford man as I recall, though later in life he had a disastrous fling with a Triumph. Oh, and he kept his cars in the garage, you better believe it, not in the driveway or on the street. One of my great difficulties in moving to our current house is our lack of garage space. We have to park our car in the driveway. Most people here do; in fact a lot of people have no garage at all! That was tough for me. Dad would not approve.
What would he think of this post? Probably not much. "What the hell are you wasting your time writing this crap for?" Yeah, that'd be my Dad!
He was your original curmudgeon. Very crusty and very opinionated. Were his opinions well-informed? I don't know. He did read the paper, cover to cover, every day. For all my life that I can remember we had the daily paper delivered. When we moved here, it felt so weird not to subscribe to the paper; having the paper delivered was the right and proper adult thing to do. I don't recall my father reading anything else. Maybe Victory Through Air Power, which I still have.
Anyway, the election. He would be spending a lot of time reading the paper, grumbling, and muttering a variation on his most-used expression: "Who the hell does he think he is..." He would have a lot of comments about Barack Obama. Was my Dad a bigot, I wonder? I never heard (or remember hearing) him utter a word that would indicate that he was. I think he would be upset by Obama's youth, his socialist/liberal thinking and his negativity about the US. Would he like McCain any better? I kind of doubt it. He was a Nixon man. Really. He always said Nixon would be vindicated.
He was the child of immigrants: "Eastern European peasants" he used to say. No point going on about being Polish, or German, or Russian, because "Eastern Europe was always a mess." But his family never hyphenated. They were Americans, through and through, even if they did eat a lot of Kielbasa and pierogis. (At least, this is how I remember it. Family members may disagree. As the youngest kid, I am sure there are things I missed.) He was also of the generation that worked hard and didn't get government assistance - or if they did, they were ashamed and got off as soon as they could. He would not have patience for our welfare state. Divorce grieved him. Single motherhood by choice would make him angry, I'm sure. "Who the hell do these girls - they are not women - think they are..."
He had a great work ethic. Sometime in the '70's he got really sick with whatever flu was going around. I thought he was going to die. He had never, in my memory, stayed home from work! He worked for the same company for 50 years, from age 17 to age 67. (He finished high school at night classes.) Once I quit a job after 4 years; he was stunned and wanted to know why. When I said I hated it, he asked "how can you know already?" I am quite sure that he would not approve of my husband quitting his job to go back to school. "Not approve" is probably not strong enough: he would think him stupid and irresponsible. Maybe even evil. "What the hell is he doing, giving up a perfectly good job...." He was thrifty as that Depression generation was. But he liked nice clothes and always looked sharp. He liked nice ties, too. But he was never free with money.
Besides working hard at work, he didn't like to sit around much. He may have been hyperactive. Once I took him and my mom to a Tony Bennett concert. At the intermission, he didn't come back, but paced the lobby. Afterwards, he said he liked the show OK, but "he was a little long-winded." However, when the first grandbaby was born, he would just sit holding and gazing adoringly at that boy. He loved his grandchildren - even if he really didn't know much how to play with them and talk to them. He didn't seem to be what you'd call "good with kids." I learned all my mildly bad words listening to him put up the tent on our annual camping trips. (The really bad ones I learned from my big bro.)
He liked good food, particularly my mother's pizza, which she made just about every Sunday. Most weeks he'd say something like "well, you messed it up again!" after eating way too much. He did like his hot food hot, though, which made things a little difficult for my mother. The first Thanksgiving after he died, we were all pretty sad, of course, till my mom broke the mood by saying "at least no one's complaining that the food's cold!" To this day I am nervous about serving food that is not piping hot!
Part of his legacy was a love of '30's and '40's movies. We used to go to San Francisco to a revival movie house and watch Casablanca, The African Queen, so many others I can't remember. He would not be impressed with the current leading men. "John Wayne? He's not an actor, he's a performer. Conrad Veidt, now he was an actor!" (OK, Wayne is hardly current but that's the quote I remember.) He also loved cars - it seemed we always had a new/old car around. Lots of car photos in the boxes of old snapshots. He bought American, was specifically a Ford man as I recall, though later in life he had a disastrous fling with a Triumph. Oh, and he kept his cars in the garage, you better believe it, not in the driveway or on the street. One of my great difficulties in moving to our current house is our lack of garage space. We have to park our car in the driveway. Most people here do; in fact a lot of people have no garage at all! That was tough for me. Dad would not approve.
What would he think of this post? Probably not much. "What the hell are you wasting your time writing this crap for?" Yeah, that'd be my Dad!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
This is getting tiresome
Just couldn't resist the reaction to Candidate Obama's latest: his response to the 2nd grader when asked why he is running for President:
America is …, uh, is no longer, uh … what it could be, what it once was. And I say to myself, I don’t want that future for my children.
What a stupid thing to say. Why would we want such a negative attitude in the White House? Really, why? I don't think anyone walks around saying America is perfect; there are always things wrong that can be improved. Like our Presidential candidate offerings.
I am not a Rush Limbaugh fan but I have to say I like his response:
...It’s a 7 year old Senator. Ya tell her because you love the country. You tell her because this is the greatest place on Earth. That we’ve got challenges, but you want to help the country through it. You don’t tell a 7 year old that her country isn’t what it once was. You do not lie to 7 year olds and tell them that your country sucks. You just don’t do it Senator.
Maybe some people don't think he's lying. That's OK. It's still a stupid, arrogant, ignorant, wrong thing to say.
Here is a comment from the linked site. (There are a lot of comments; I didn't read them all but this one caught my eye.)
Haven’t read all the comments yet, forgive if I repeat, but the first thing I noticed was his stuttering and stammering just trying to answer a simple question for a 7 yr old. No teleprompter; no eloquent speeches. Really! I suck at public speaking and I could have answered that question easily.
A candidate for the school board should have been able to answer that question without stuttering, stammering, and going all negative. For postmaster. For dog-catcher. OK, I'll stop.
America is …, uh, is no longer, uh … what it could be, what it once was. And I say to myself, I don’t want that future for my children.
What a stupid thing to say. Why would we want such a negative attitude in the White House? Really, why? I don't think anyone walks around saying America is perfect; there are always things wrong that can be improved. Like our Presidential candidate offerings.
I am not a Rush Limbaugh fan but I have to say I like his response:
...It’s a 7 year old Senator. Ya tell her because you love the country. You tell her because this is the greatest place on Earth. That we’ve got challenges, but you want to help the country through it. You don’t tell a 7 year old that her country isn’t what it once was. You do not lie to 7 year olds and tell them that your country sucks. You just don’t do it Senator.
Maybe some people don't think he's lying. That's OK. It's still a stupid, arrogant, ignorant, wrong thing to say.
Here is a comment from the linked site. (There are a lot of comments; I didn't read them all but this one caught my eye.)
Haven’t read all the comments yet, forgive if I repeat, but the first thing I noticed was his stuttering and stammering just trying to answer a simple question for a 7 yr old. No teleprompter; no eloquent speeches. Really! I suck at public speaking and I could have answered that question easily.
A candidate for the school board should have been able to answer that question without stuttering, stammering, and going all negative. For postmaster. For dog-catcher. OK, I'll stop.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Wherein we hang out with a bunch of old people and learn the truth about ourselves.
Last night the seminarian and I hit the trifecta of parental bliss: a babysitter, dinner reservations, and concert tickets. It had been a long time since we'd experienced any of this. At least 8 months, we figure, since yesterday was the babysitter's first encounter with our good dog Max, who came to us in January. He quickly got over his suspicions about her when she offered him a treat.
The dinner was at a nice little BYOB Italian cafe recommended by a friend. Since we brought our own wine from our recent spree, and split salad, entree, and dessert, it was a cheap but excellent meal. The Osso Bucco was incredible.
Then the concert. The performer was a sentimental favorite of mine: Kenny Rankin. I was trying to think of when he hit his peak of popularity but I am not sure he was ever hugely popular. I saw him back in 1980-something as an opening act for George Carlin. I didn't really like Carlin, loved Rankin. I still have a few of his albums - yes, LPs - which I can no longer play. Anyway, we came across the concert information after I listened to a few of his songs via Youtube. Oh, I love that clear, sweet tenor. Since we hadn't had a night out in a very long time, and the tickets were relatively cheap (as such things go)... there we were.
We arrived at the theater just a little early and had some time to watch the crowd coming in. Wow, everyone looked so old! How come all these old people were here at this show? Where were the young people like... us? Oh. This is our demographic now. Man, that hurt.
It was a nice night. The concert was good - that voice was still clear, the scat fluid. His banter seemed a little old at times; his throat was giving him trouble but he pressed on and well. At the end of the show he made a slight political comment that was annoying, but he kept it short. ("Let's take our country back, people.") I had been a little worried he'd flash the new Obama sign, but no. All in all, a refreshing event. Back to reality today!
The dinner was at a nice little BYOB Italian cafe recommended by a friend. Since we brought our own wine from our recent spree, and split salad, entree, and dessert, it was a cheap but excellent meal. The Osso Bucco was incredible.
Then the concert. The performer was a sentimental favorite of mine: Kenny Rankin. I was trying to think of when he hit his peak of popularity but I am not sure he was ever hugely popular. I saw him back in 1980-something as an opening act for George Carlin. I didn't really like Carlin, loved Rankin. I still have a few of his albums - yes, LPs - which I can no longer play. Anyway, we came across the concert information after I listened to a few of his songs via Youtube. Oh, I love that clear, sweet tenor. Since we hadn't had a night out in a very long time, and the tickets were relatively cheap (as such things go)... there we were.
We arrived at the theater just a little early and had some time to watch the crowd coming in. Wow, everyone looked so old! How come all these old people were here at this show? Where were the young people like... us? Oh. This is our demographic now. Man, that hurt.
It was a nice night. The concert was good - that voice was still clear, the scat fluid. His banter seemed a little old at times; his throat was giving him trouble but he pressed on and well. At the end of the show he made a slight political comment that was annoying, but he kept it short. ("Let's take our country back, people.") I had been a little worried he'd flash the new Obama sign, but no. All in all, a refreshing event. Back to reality today!
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
The CAPD Test and homeschooling validation
My boy had a session with an audiologist today to determine the presence of Central Auditory Processing Disorder (which we suspected based on previous testing). I don't have the full report yet, but we were told:
- he behaved very well, was helpful and patient throughout the 2 hours of testing.
- he has problems related to phonemic awareness and "hearing" the vowels in words.
- he got really tired and frustrated from all the sounds coming at him.
- he would not have done well in a classroom situation with the competing voices and noises.
- he is left-brained and needs some more right-brained activities to balance him out. Hello, music lessons - she specifically said piano, which works since we have a piano and a piano teacher. But this is kind of funny to me because we had been convinced he is right-brained and worked off that assumption for a while...
- he might benefit from speech therapy as that would help him learn to hear the sounds of words better.
Now I don't understand that last one quite yet, and I haven't seen the written report. But I admit I was thrilled to hear that learning in the home, not the classroom, has been "the best place for him to be." Yes, that is a direct quote.
I don't know any homeschool moms who don't second-guess themselves sometimes. A child with learning disabilities can amp up the insecurity and second-guessing. It's good to have confirmation that we're doing something right, even if we focused on the wrong half of the brain.
- he behaved very well, was helpful and patient throughout the 2 hours of testing.
- he has problems related to phonemic awareness and "hearing" the vowels in words.
- he got really tired and frustrated from all the sounds coming at him.
- he would not have done well in a classroom situation with the competing voices and noises.
- he is left-brained and needs some more right-brained activities to balance him out. Hello, music lessons - she specifically said piano, which works since we have a piano and a piano teacher. But this is kind of funny to me because we had been convinced he is right-brained and worked off that assumption for a while...
- he might benefit from speech therapy as that would help him learn to hear the sounds of words better.
Now I don't understand that last one quite yet, and I haven't seen the written report. But I admit I was thrilled to hear that learning in the home, not the classroom, has been "the best place for him to be." Yes, that is a direct quote.
I don't know any homeschool moms who don't second-guess themselves sometimes. A child with learning disabilities can amp up the insecurity and second-guessing. It's good to have confirmation that we're doing something right, even if we focused on the wrong half of the brain.
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