If you do not homeschool, you might think homeschooling is easy and stress free. You might think that homeschooling parents never wonder if they are doing the right thing, or if they're ruining their kids' educations. You might think that the kids always do their work happily and without ever complaining.
Do you know why you think that?
Here's why: if you do not homeschool it's unlikely that your homeschooling friends and acquaintances will ever share their struggles with you. We just won't tell you when it's hard, or when we second-guess ourselves, or when our kids rebel against doing their math. We don't because we have heard, and don't want to hear again, the stock response to any complaint:
"Then why don't you just put them in school?"
Think about that. When a mother with kids in school expresses her worry or displeasure or struggle with some aspect of schooling, it would be ludicrous for me to say "then why don't you just homeschool them?"
"Tim is having a tough time in algebra this year."
"Why don't you homeschool him?"
"Sara is having some problems with some mean girls."
"Why don't you just homeschool her?"
Anyone would laugh- or be offended - at the idea that a minor problem at school would be a reason to pull a kid out and homeschool. But most people don't seem to think twice about suggesting that any homeschooling struggle is best solved by putting the kids on the bus.
It's not that people are rude, it's just that most folks haven't stopped thinking of public or private school as the default option for education. That's just the way it is. It's not likely to change for a while, if ever. Probably not in my lifetime, though I hope in my kids'.
So now you know why your homeschooling friends don't complain about homeschooling to you. It's because we can't. It's because you don't understand that just as pulling your kids out of school would not be simple for you, putting out kids into school is not simple for us.
But don't worry about us, because we do have plenty of homeschooling friends and acquaintances who will listen and understand. And more coming along every day!
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Heat wave
When we moved to Philadelphia 3 years ago, we knew we wouldn't like summer much. We lived in Oregon for only 9 years - pretty much my kids' lifetimes, not so much of mine or the seminarian's - but we had gotten used to the beautiful summers. Not too hot, no humidity. No cicadas.
I remember so well our arrival here in August. We had told the kids of all the cool stuff there is to see in Pennsylvania. Gettysburg! Valley Forge! Betsy Ross's house! But it was so hot and sticky we couldn't move. We just stayed inside all day, unpacking boxes and reading.
We haven't gotten much better with the heat. The last few days have been brutal for us, with temps around 100. Yesterday had to be a big yard-work day, too, which was not popular. We had planned today to go to a folk festival about an hour away. But it's going to be over 90, with a chance of thunderstorms. Ugh. My kids love fairs and festivals as much as anyone - particularly fairs with a historical theme - but who wants to hang out by the blacksmith when it's 95 degrees? (Who wants to be the blacksmith?) So we're staying home with books and DVDs and a friend or two.
I wonder what life would be like if we'd chosen the seminary in Jackson, Mississippi?
I remember so well our arrival here in August. We had told the kids of all the cool stuff there is to see in Pennsylvania. Gettysburg! Valley Forge! Betsy Ross's house! But it was so hot and sticky we couldn't move. We just stayed inside all day, unpacking boxes and reading.
We haven't gotten much better with the heat. The last few days have been brutal for us, with temps around 100. Yesterday had to be a big yard-work day, too, which was not popular. We had planned today to go to a folk festival about an hour away. But it's going to be over 90, with a chance of thunderstorms. Ugh. My kids love fairs and festivals as much as anyone - particularly fairs with a historical theme - but who wants to hang out by the blacksmith when it's 95 degrees? (Who wants to be the blacksmith?) So we're staying home with books and DVDs and a friend or two.
I wonder what life would be like if we'd chosen the seminary in Jackson, Mississippi?
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Fun or not fun?
My Boy Scout (yes, I talk of nothing but Scouts now) is working on two merit badges this summer: Emergency Preparedness and Rifle Shooting. He is mildly excited about E-Prep (there is a lot of composition involved in this one) but thrilled about Rifle Shooting. But he has a bit of work to do there too.
Someone invited us to go to her family's pool today, and I had to turn her down. I noted various reasons, including the merit badge work. Some is due tonight (!) at a meeting with the Scoutmaster. (The Scout did not properly plan his tasks so he didn't have a lot to do at the last minute. Bet he'll do better next time.) Her response surprised me.
"He has to do work over the summer? Why?"
"They do a lot of badge work at summer camp. If he does his work ahead of time, he'll get to shoot a rifle, practice rescuing people, and end up with a badge or two on the way to Eagle Scout. (I don't know if the rifle badge is required; e-prep is.) It's great."
"Great?" (Said with much disdain, and I know disdain when I hear it.) "It's summer! They shouldn't give the kids work in summer!"
What is the proper response to that? The kid is 13. In 5 years he'll be an adult. (Now there's a scary thought.) He's working on something useful, yet enjoyable. He still has time to go to the pool (just not today), play x-box, ride his bike, go to picnics, go hiking, and do all those other summer fun things.
I think there would have to be something wrong with a guy who would not give up a little pool time in exchange for getting to shoot rifles and practice "moving an injured person out of a remote and/or rugged area, conserving the energy of the rescuers while ensuring the well-being and protection of the injured person" with a bunch of his friends at summer camp. (That quote is from the e-prep merit badge worksheet.) I think there is something odd about a mother who would object to that.
But wait! Why am I surprised? Last week we got a call from our township Parks and Recreation Department telling us that an activity my boy had signed up for had been canceled due to low enrollment. It was a firefighter's camp for teens. 4 nights, 2 hours each night, learning how to prevent and fight fires. With real firefighters, trucks, giant hoses, the works. For $15. But only 3 people signed up so they canceled it.
My kid was bummed. And incredulous. Why didn't more people want to do it?
Guess it doesn't fit their idea of summer fun.
Someone invited us to go to her family's pool today, and I had to turn her down. I noted various reasons, including the merit badge work. Some is due tonight (!) at a meeting with the Scoutmaster. (The Scout did not properly plan his tasks so he didn't have a lot to do at the last minute. Bet he'll do better next time.) Her response surprised me.
"He has to do work over the summer? Why?"
"They do a lot of badge work at summer camp. If he does his work ahead of time, he'll get to shoot a rifle, practice rescuing people, and end up with a badge or two on the way to Eagle Scout. (I don't know if the rifle badge is required; e-prep is.) It's great."
"Great?" (Said with much disdain, and I know disdain when I hear it.) "It's summer! They shouldn't give the kids work in summer!"
What is the proper response to that? The kid is 13. In 5 years he'll be an adult. (Now there's a scary thought.) He's working on something useful, yet enjoyable. He still has time to go to the pool (just not today), play x-box, ride his bike, go to picnics, go hiking, and do all those other summer fun things.
I think there would have to be something wrong with a guy who would not give up a little pool time in exchange for getting to shoot rifles and practice "moving an injured person out of a remote and/or rugged area, conserving the energy of the rescuers while ensuring the well-being and protection of the injured person" with a bunch of his friends at summer camp. (That quote is from the e-prep merit badge worksheet.) I think there is something odd about a mother who would object to that.
But wait! Why am I surprised? Last week we got a call from our township Parks and Recreation Department telling us that an activity my boy had signed up for had been canceled due to low enrollment. It was a firefighter's camp for teens. 4 nights, 2 hours each night, learning how to prevent and fight fires. With real firefighters, trucks, giant hoses, the works. For $15. But only 3 people signed up so they canceled it.
My kid was bummed. And incredulous. Why didn't more people want to do it?
Guess it doesn't fit their idea of summer fun.
I almost hate to write this
But I have to. I'm going to once again compare the Girl Scouts unfavorably to the Boy Scouts. This time it has to do with their shops. Both organizations have stores near Valley Forge, about 30 minutes from here.
A couple of weeks ago my girl and I went to the Boy Scout store to find birthday gifts for the boy. It is a very cool store. Besides the Scout uniforms and such, there are books and craft kits and tools and, of course, all the merit badge handbooks. We got him a nice canteen (that was what he really wanted) a field handbook (not to be confused with the required Scout Handbook) and a t-shirt. Note that the shirt cost $7.99. That is important later.
The Girl Scout store is nearby, but we didn't have time to stop in there that day. But she wanted to see the offerings before she leaves for her Girl Scout camp this Sunday, so we went out there today. She really, really, wants a mess kit for camp (the kind in the little mesh bag) so we had to get on it. They have limited hours during the summer (unlike the BSA shop), requiring planning ahead. I had checked their online store to see what they had, but was surprised to see that it was closed. (How is an online store closed? More on that later.)
We arrived without incident (didn't get lost, which happens to me sometimes even with the GPS) and immediately on walking in were disappointed. Of course we had a vision in our heads: the BSA store, only different. It was sadly lacking.
There were no mess kits. OK, it's camp season; they're out of stock. We looked for the handbook for the level my girl will move to in September. Out of stock. They had some grooming do-dads such as one could buy in any Target or Walmart. They had t-shirts! Some really cute t-shirts. $23.95. No lie. There were a few books, but most of them were sealed so we couldn't see what they were all about. I noted a title something like Journey and a lot of "Save the Earth" type stuff.
So we asked about the mess kit and were informed that yes, they are out of stock but I can go up to another store and get it. It's 50 miles away. Uh, thanks, but never mind. I asked about the online store and the woman scoffed at me; of course it's not closed. "I'm the online store! How can an online store be closed?"
She arranged to have the far-away store send her a mess kit which might or might not arrive in time for me to get it in time for camp. No obligation on my part to pick it up if it's late. We'll check out the sporting goods store for a mess kit, or cobble one together from things we have at home, just in case.
When we got to the car, my girl sighed and voiced her disappointment. She didn't say, and of course I didn't say, how much better the BSA store is. Because she is sick of hearing all the ways the male organization is better.
As soon we got home I had to check the online store again. It is open. But there is a note about shops closing for inventory. Indeed, the online store was closed for a week. Most likely the week I checked it. (You think?) Couldn't the person in the store have said "we were closed for a week but usually are open?" If she runs the store, wouldn't she have known that?
I know at least one of you is shaking her head and saying "just dump that group." Well, as I've said before, this is what we have, now. Maybe, if we move next year (as we expect to, but kind of hope not to), we'll be close to an American Heritage Girls troop. Or, we'll feel permanent enough to start one of our own. For now, we have our nice little troop and we'll stick with them, even though it's not perfect.
A couple of weeks ago my girl and I went to the Boy Scout store to find birthday gifts for the boy. It is a very cool store. Besides the Scout uniforms and such, there are books and craft kits and tools and, of course, all the merit badge handbooks. We got him a nice canteen (that was what he really wanted) a field handbook (not to be confused with the required Scout Handbook) and a t-shirt. Note that the shirt cost $7.99. That is important later.
The Girl Scout store is nearby, but we didn't have time to stop in there that day. But she wanted to see the offerings before she leaves for her Girl Scout camp this Sunday, so we went out there today. She really, really, wants a mess kit for camp (the kind in the little mesh bag) so we had to get on it. They have limited hours during the summer (unlike the BSA shop), requiring planning ahead. I had checked their online store to see what they had, but was surprised to see that it was closed. (How is an online store closed? More on that later.)
We arrived without incident (didn't get lost, which happens to me sometimes even with the GPS) and immediately on walking in were disappointed. Of course we had a vision in our heads: the BSA store, only different. It was sadly lacking.
There were no mess kits. OK, it's camp season; they're out of stock. We looked for the handbook for the level my girl will move to in September. Out of stock. They had some grooming do-dads such as one could buy in any Target or Walmart. They had t-shirts! Some really cute t-shirts. $23.95. No lie. There were a few books, but most of them were sealed so we couldn't see what they were all about. I noted a title something like Journey and a lot of "Save the Earth" type stuff.
So we asked about the mess kit and were informed that yes, they are out of stock but I can go up to another store and get it. It's 50 miles away. Uh, thanks, but never mind. I asked about the online store and the woman scoffed at me; of course it's not closed. "I'm the online store! How can an online store be closed?"
She arranged to have the far-away store send her a mess kit which might or might not arrive in time for me to get it in time for camp. No obligation on my part to pick it up if it's late. We'll check out the sporting goods store for a mess kit, or cobble one together from things we have at home, just in case.
When we got to the car, my girl sighed and voiced her disappointment. She didn't say, and of course I didn't say, how much better the BSA store is. Because she is sick of hearing all the ways the male organization is better.
As soon we got home I had to check the online store again. It is open. But there is a note about shops closing for inventory. Indeed, the online store was closed for a week. Most likely the week I checked it. (You think?) Couldn't the person in the store have said "we were closed for a week but usually are open?" If she runs the store, wouldn't she have known that?
I know at least one of you is shaking her head and saying "just dump that group." Well, as I've said before, this is what we have, now. Maybe, if we move next year (as we expect to, but kind of hope not to), we'll be close to an American Heritage Girls troop. Or, we'll feel permanent enough to start one of our own. For now, we have our nice little troop and we'll stick with them, even though it's not perfect.
Monday, July 05, 2010
The blessing of older ladies
My life is blessed with lots of older ladies to give advice, encouragement, and support. Actually some of these "older ladies" are not really older but because they had their kids at a more , ah, typical age than I did, they are more experienced and wiser than I.
Sometimes it is not such a blessing though, when one of these ladies gives advice that fits her life but not mine. I will never forget the time I excitedly told an older lady about our new freezer. She went into a rant about how "you young people today" want everything new; why, she and her husband were happy to have a used freezer given to them! It didn't matter (or maybe she didn't hear me say) that we'd have been happy with a used freezer too, but no one was giving any away when we were thinking about getting one. (I was tickled, though, that she said "you young people" since I was well over 40 when I got my freezer. But then she was about 80, I think.)
A few years later I was told by a veteran homeschooling mom that my kid would learn to read without troubles if I just used a systematic phonics program. She didn't want to hear me tell her that we'd tried several systematic phonics programs and none of them worked. Those programs had worked for her kids! (My kid did learn to read, and well, but did not learn phonics, ever.)
The other day I was told that my kids didn't need braces because, well, their teeth look fine. And their teeth will move back into their old (bad) positions anyway, because my kids won't wear their retainers long enough. Well, that's how it worked for this lady's kids anyway.
I am not planning on sending my kids to school when they reach junior high, even though a few other mothers told me that's what I ought to do because it worked out well for them and their kids. Whoops, I think one of my kids missed the first year already.
Two years ago at a baby shower, the mother-to-be was showered (ha ha) with advice. Don't do this, do that, nurse, don't nurse, whatever you do don't let your baby sleep in your bed, on and on. I was exhausted hearing all the conflicting advice; I wonder how she felt. Later she told me she ignored most of it because she knew she'd figure things out once the baby was born and she got to know him. Yea for her!
I am truly thankful for these ladies. I am also thankful that my mother wasn't, and my mother-in-law isn't, very much like them. Somehow the two mothers in my life seem to have figured out that my life and my kids aren't exactly like theirs.
I hope I am the same way when I am one of those older ladies. Oh wait, I guess I already am one!
Sometimes it is not such a blessing though, when one of these ladies gives advice that fits her life but not mine. I will never forget the time I excitedly told an older lady about our new freezer. She went into a rant about how "you young people today" want everything new; why, she and her husband were happy to have a used freezer given to them! It didn't matter (or maybe she didn't hear me say) that we'd have been happy with a used freezer too, but no one was giving any away when we were thinking about getting one. (I was tickled, though, that she said "you young people" since I was well over 40 when I got my freezer. But then she was about 80, I think.)
A few years later I was told by a veteran homeschooling mom that my kid would learn to read without troubles if I just used a systematic phonics program. She didn't want to hear me tell her that we'd tried several systematic phonics programs and none of them worked. Those programs had worked for her kids! (My kid did learn to read, and well, but did not learn phonics, ever.)
The other day I was told that my kids didn't need braces because, well, their teeth look fine. And their teeth will move back into their old (bad) positions anyway, because my kids won't wear their retainers long enough. Well, that's how it worked for this lady's kids anyway.
I am not planning on sending my kids to school when they reach junior high, even though a few other mothers told me that's what I ought to do because it worked out well for them and their kids. Whoops, I think one of my kids missed the first year already.
Two years ago at a baby shower, the mother-to-be was showered (ha ha) with advice. Don't do this, do that, nurse, don't nurse, whatever you do don't let your baby sleep in your bed, on and on. I was exhausted hearing all the conflicting advice; I wonder how she felt. Later she told me she ignored most of it because she knew she'd figure things out once the baby was born and she got to know him. Yea for her!
I am truly thankful for these ladies. I am also thankful that my mother wasn't, and my mother-in-law isn't, very much like them. Somehow the two mothers in my life seem to have figured out that my life and my kids aren't exactly like theirs.
I hope I am the same way when I am one of those older ladies. Oh wait, I guess I already am one!
Saturday, July 03, 2010
My Scout moves up, again
Was it about a year ago that my Boy Scout was promoted to Assistant Patrol Leader? I thought I blogged about it but I can't find it. I hate to admit I was amazed at that promotion. The boy who lives here does not fit the profile of a leader. Sorry, but it's true. We knew he did better at Scouts than at home, but didn't think it was that much better. After talking to the Scoutmaster my husband and I walked around for a couple of hours saying "What? Did that really happen? How did that happen?"
We had a similar experience when he joined his robotics club. One of my favorite mom moments came shortly after my husband had a conversation with the dad of the robotics club president. This guy talked about how competent our boy is; how quickly he picks up information; how many great ideas he had going into a competition. At the moment he was telling me this, the boy came into the room to say goodnight. He had just taken a shower. And yet as I went to hug him, I backed off: he stunk! Badly! Very unlike a guy just out of the shower! So I had to ask: "did you even wash your armpits?" "Uh, wow, I guess I forgot."
Talk about your cognitive dissonance.
So today we were stunned once again when the Scoutmaster asked our boy to take a promotion to Patrol Leader. He will be taking over an existing patrol, the current leader of which is stepping down, out of leadership. It's a patrol full of difficult boys.
The Scoutmaster called and talked to my husband first. Then he talked to the boy. I just about started crying when my husband whispered what the call was about. I whispered back "he's not ready" just as I heard the boy say "I don't think I'm ready." But then he went quiet for a few minutes and the next thing I heard was "Yes, yes, I will do it." And then "I will do my best, but I don't know if I can be as good as the leaders who've been there a while."
He got off the phone and I knew, I just could see by his face that he felt a little sick. He's nervous. Maybe downright scared. But happy too.
He's got a lot of hard work ahead. But some good fun too.
We had a similar experience when he joined his robotics club. One of my favorite mom moments came shortly after my husband had a conversation with the dad of the robotics club president. This guy talked about how competent our boy is; how quickly he picks up information; how many great ideas he had going into a competition. At the moment he was telling me this, the boy came into the room to say goodnight. He had just taken a shower. And yet as I went to hug him, I backed off: he stunk! Badly! Very unlike a guy just out of the shower! So I had to ask: "did you even wash your armpits?" "Uh, wow, I guess I forgot."
Talk about your cognitive dissonance.
So today we were stunned once again when the Scoutmaster asked our boy to take a promotion to Patrol Leader. He will be taking over an existing patrol, the current leader of which is stepping down, out of leadership. It's a patrol full of difficult boys.
The Scoutmaster called and talked to my husband first. Then he talked to the boy. I just about started crying when my husband whispered what the call was about. I whispered back "he's not ready" just as I heard the boy say "I don't think I'm ready." But then he went quiet for a few minutes and the next thing I heard was "Yes, yes, I will do it." And then "I will do my best, but I don't know if I can be as good as the leaders who've been there a while."
He got off the phone and I knew, I just could see by his face that he felt a little sick. He's nervous. Maybe downright scared. But happy too.
He's got a lot of hard work ahead. But some good fun too.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
A new year begins
Today is the day we can begin our 2010/2011 school year. We're not going to begin it today, but we legally could. That's how it works in Pennsylvania!
Last week I turned in our portfolios for the 2009/2010 year. It'll be a few weeks till I hear if we "passed" but I expect we will. In the next few weeks I have to file my notarized affidavit to homeschool this year. But, we are officially in the new year.
Last year around this time I was thinking that 2009/2010 would be our Year of the Field Trips. We had been busy with other things during our 2008/2009 year and did not take as many trips as we would have liked.
Well, it happened again! Instead of it being the Year of the Field Trip, it was the Year of Sickness. Not serious sickness, and it didn't last all year. It was just bad enough to hinder us in our pursuit of field trips, and it lasted a long, long time. It started in October and really didn't end till April, a few weeks after my boy had some sinus surgery. In between there were days of tears and nausea, of antibiotic after antibiotic, of general malaise. And no field trips. OK, almost none.
I hesitate to give a name or prediction to this year. I have no idea what will happen. But I can say this: we are starting the year off right. Today and tomorrow we are going on field trips!
Last week I turned in our portfolios for the 2009/2010 year. It'll be a few weeks till I hear if we "passed" but I expect we will. In the next few weeks I have to file my notarized affidavit to homeschool this year. But, we are officially in the new year.
Last year around this time I was thinking that 2009/2010 would be our Year of the Field Trips. We had been busy with other things during our 2008/2009 year and did not take as many trips as we would have liked.
Well, it happened again! Instead of it being the Year of the Field Trip, it was the Year of Sickness. Not serious sickness, and it didn't last all year. It was just bad enough to hinder us in our pursuit of field trips, and it lasted a long, long time. It started in October and really didn't end till April, a few weeks after my boy had some sinus surgery. In between there were days of tears and nausea, of antibiotic after antibiotic, of general malaise. And no field trips. OK, almost none.
I hesitate to give a name or prediction to this year. I have no idea what will happen. But I can say this: we are starting the year off right. Today and tomorrow we are going on field trips!
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