Today was going to be a big day in our house. Our local big/cheap grocery store chain opened a new store nearby. The ad came in last week's mail - 4 full-color pages of grocery seduction. This was to be a "Giant Store like no other!" Gorgeous produce. Succulent meat. A Cheese Shoppe - not just a shop, but a shoppe! So elegant! Bulk bins! (I have documented my disgust with the local bulk bins before.) Then the invitation to find a printable coupon and store tour on the website! The kids and I raced to the computer and watched the video. Hmmm... looks great: cooking classes, community events, a nutritionist, bulk bins! (But no alcoholic beverages - in this backwards state those can only be purchased in "special" stores.) We printed our coupon, cleared the calendar, and made our plans.
But things happen around here, and we didn't get out at 10:30 as we'd planned. I wondered briefly if arriving there around lunchtime would be a problem. Didn't that ad say there was a food court? Ah well, it should be fine. Armed with our list, coupon, and directions, we headed out. Only to find a completely full parking lot. Cars parked in the fire lanes. Cars going around and around, waiting for someone to come out. And it was a big, big parking lot. It looked like Christmas Eve at the mall.
What the heck? What are all these people doing here? It's a grocery store grand opening, for crying out loud, not a major cultural event! Of course it made sense for us to be there - we're just a penniless suburban homeschool/student family out looking for some cheap thrills (and bulk spices). And samples, we were really anticipating some good samples. But don't these other people have better things to do?
So, defeated, we headed home. We knew that even if we scored a parking spot the lines would be too long. The samples might be all gone. (Thank the Lord we had eaten peanut butter sandwiches before we left the house.) The bulk bins emptied out by the hungry hordes who should have been working, or something, instead of hanging out in a grocery store.
Such is life, here in suburbia.
UPDATE: No wonder. I saw an article about it in the local news. There were musicians, clowns, and "local dignitaries" there today. We ended up going there tonight after dinner; it was still crowded but manageable. Nice store, but then new stores always are. The bulk bins were a disappointment. But the kids informed me that they saw a whoopie cushion for sale in the canned bean aisle. Hardee har har.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Christmas and family disagreements
Leigh reminded me that not everyone has it as easy as I do with regard to families and disagreements over holiday issues like Santa:
Sigh. I let my mother bully me into doing Santa (dh really didn't care one way or another.). I completely regret it now, but I don't want to burst the bubble right here at Christmas time, kwim? When my oldest found out that Santa wasn't real, she was five...she just figured it out herself, and I confirmed it. My mom told her behind my back that I was wrong, and that Santa really was real...that I just didn't know what I was talking about. How's that for family controversy? LOL
Sometimes our families disagree with our decisions. I guess even when my kids are adults I will think they should do things the way I do.
My mother really blessed me (and released me from guilt) when I was getting married. She told me to start making new traditions with my new family. She said I didn't have to do everything the way she had, just the things I really liked. She advised me to take some traditions from my husband's family and incorporate them into our family. She told me that there would be Christmases when I would be away from her, and she might be alone, and that was OK. She told me that if I had kids, I would be their mother, not her, and she would try not to interfere.
I was 39 when she was telling me this, and she was 79. She only had 7 years to interfere in my married life. But she was true to her word!
My mother-in-law doesn't interfere either. Oh, I can think of a few times I might have annoyed her by doing something in a way she didn't like. But other people have voiced their (negative) opinions and occasionally tried to undermine our parenting. My husband and I always had unity of thought and confidence in what we were doing. So even in the face of criticism we were able to say "thanks, but we're doing it this way." And when we are confident and united, I think we will get more respect.
Now there will always be people who that won't work with, I guess. We have to do our best to love them anyway, and minimize their impact on our kids. Sometimes I guess we might have to be firm. We might have to contradict our parents when they tell our kids some things, and we might have to hurt their feelings. Around the holidays, that's harder than ever. So sometimes we might just have to let them win. Sometimes we have to pick our battles. When it's a minor issue, like Santa or no Santa, we can afford to be gracious.
Sigh. I let my mother bully me into doing Santa (dh really didn't care one way or another.). I completely regret it now, but I don't want to burst the bubble right here at Christmas time, kwim? When my oldest found out that Santa wasn't real, she was five...she just figured it out herself, and I confirmed it. My mom told her behind my back that I was wrong, and that Santa really was real...that I just didn't know what I was talking about. How's that for family controversy? LOL
Sometimes our families disagree with our decisions. I guess even when my kids are adults I will think they should do things the way I do.
My mother really blessed me (and released me from guilt) when I was getting married. She told me to start making new traditions with my new family. She said I didn't have to do everything the way she had, just the things I really liked. She advised me to take some traditions from my husband's family and incorporate them into our family. She told me that there would be Christmases when I would be away from her, and she might be alone, and that was OK. She told me that if I had kids, I would be their mother, not her, and she would try not to interfere.
I was 39 when she was telling me this, and she was 79. She only had 7 years to interfere in my married life. But she was true to her word!
My mother-in-law doesn't interfere either. Oh, I can think of a few times I might have annoyed her by doing something in a way she didn't like. But other people have voiced their (negative) opinions and occasionally tried to undermine our parenting. My husband and I always had unity of thought and confidence in what we were doing. So even in the face of criticism we were able to say "thanks, but we're doing it this way." And when we are confident and united, I think we will get more respect.
Now there will always be people who that won't work with, I guess. We have to do our best to love them anyway, and minimize their impact on our kids. Sometimes I guess we might have to be firm. We might have to contradict our parents when they tell our kids some things, and we might have to hurt their feelings. Around the holidays, that's harder than ever. So sometimes we might just have to let them win. Sometimes we have to pick our battles. When it's a minor issue, like Santa or no Santa, we can afford to be gracious.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Why I will never be a seamstress.
Sewing is one of my pleasures. I do like to sew. Right now doll clothes are my specialty. They are not very high-quality. Just because I like to sew does not mean I'm good at it. I make a lot of mistakes. A while back I related my problem with keeping right sides together. But, I keep trying.
My little E is having a trousers crisis: we can't find any that fit her. So we decided we should make some simple elastic waist pants for her. We planned to start with some pajamas for practice. I had a large piece of flannel purchased for some long-forgotten project. One of the nice things about flannel is that both sides feel nice. Both sides look the same, too, if it's a solid fabric. This had a faint print of blue flowers on white. The wrong side of the fabric was just white. This is important to know. This is foreshadowing, folks.
Since elastic waist pants require only 2 patterns pieces, and I have sewn before (but not pants), I didn't bother to look at the layout instructions. We just pinned and cut. Then it was time to put the piece together. I remembered to put them right sides together. But they didn't go together. If you know how to sew pants, you know the problem. I can't exactly explain it. But I had positioned the pattern pieces in such a way that they simply couldn't be pinned right sides together.
I really try not to get frustrated and burst into tears in front of my children. It was hard not to. But I explained, as calmly as I could, the problem. I showed E that we could still make the pants, but they would be, uh, mismatched. Part of the pants would be all white; part would have the blue flowers. At that point I couldn't tell exactly how that would work out.
She cheerfully accepted the idea of the funny pants and we pressed on. Got the pants finished before bedtime, all except for the hem! They fit perfectly. They are cozy and warm and comfy. The front of the pants is white; the back has the printed side out.
For wearing at home, mismatched pj pants are fine. It would have looked better, and more intentional, if the front of one leg and the back of the other matched. But I couldn't have planned it that way.
Today we bought some corduroy to try again, this time to make some pants she can wear outside the house. I'll be checking the instructions for the pattern layout this time!
My little E is having a trousers crisis: we can't find any that fit her. So we decided we should make some simple elastic waist pants for her. We planned to start with some pajamas for practice. I had a large piece of flannel purchased for some long-forgotten project. One of the nice things about flannel is that both sides feel nice. Both sides look the same, too, if it's a solid fabric. This had a faint print of blue flowers on white. The wrong side of the fabric was just white. This is important to know. This is foreshadowing, folks.
Since elastic waist pants require only 2 patterns pieces, and I have sewn before (but not pants), I didn't bother to look at the layout instructions. We just pinned and cut. Then it was time to put the piece together. I remembered to put them right sides together. But they didn't go together. If you know how to sew pants, you know the problem. I can't exactly explain it. But I had positioned the pattern pieces in such a way that they simply couldn't be pinned right sides together.
I really try not to get frustrated and burst into tears in front of my children. It was hard not to. But I explained, as calmly as I could, the problem. I showed E that we could still make the pants, but they would be, uh, mismatched. Part of the pants would be all white; part would have the blue flowers. At that point I couldn't tell exactly how that would work out.
She cheerfully accepted the idea of the funny pants and we pressed on. Got the pants finished before bedtime, all except for the hem! They fit perfectly. They are cozy and warm and comfy. The front of the pants is white; the back has the printed side out.
For wearing at home, mismatched pj pants are fine. It would have looked better, and more intentional, if the front of one leg and the back of the other matched. But I couldn't have planned it that way.
Today we bought some corduroy to try again, this time to make some pants she can wear outside the house. I'll be checking the instructions for the pattern layout this time!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Culture shock or, I'm raising a freak
Yesterday my little E and I went to a "High School Musical 2" party. The movie premiered on the Disney channel last night, apparently much anticipated. Our realtor has a daughter about the same age as E, and she graciously invited her to come meet some other girls. It was a fun and interesting evening.
First off, we have never seen "High School Musical" (1), which didn't matter for watching the movie, but put us at a disadvantage for conversation with the other girls. They were singing the songs, talking about the characters and the plot, talking about the clothes. They were nice, and pleasant, and friendly - not cliquish or rude at all - but still it was obvious E did not fit in. She was ignorant of the culture she was in, and couldn't participate in the conversation.
Before the movie the Disney channel had a tv show on that was related to the movie, and we were semi-watching that before the real attraction started. It was so dumb. E just kept looking at me with this quizzical look in her eyes. I just smiled and shrugged, trying to convey "go along with it."
Oh, there was a time countdown too, and when it got to the last 60 seconds before the movie, the girls started counting down the time with it. They were really whipped into a frenzy when it came to zero. They got up, screaming and dancing. Like that Ed Sullivan show with the Beatles, only these were 8 year olds!
Then the thunder and lightning started and something happened to the satellite. The picture got all scribbly and then when out. It came back quickly, though... this time.
The movie itself was OK. Cute, pretty innocent. The girls' clothes were the worst thing about it, for me. The dancing was fun except for those exaggerated thrusting movements. (I don't think Elvis was ever that obvious.) The story was silly and predictable (indeed, my hostess told me that the story was pretty much the same as the first movie), but OK. OKish, let's say. One thing that struck me - a good thing - other than the main (bad) character, the girls were mostly not model-thin. In fact there was at least one girl who was downright fat (obese) but not played for laughs - she was just another of the friends, not the fat girl. (Though one of the girls at the party - the only one who might have been called fat - commented very negatively on the fat girl's weight. Interesting.)
About halfway through the movie the satellite went out again. The girls decided to find a game and started up Twister. This was the most fun part for E. Then, the birthday gifts were opened. Yes, this was a birthday party, though we had been assured that no gift was expected. We stopped off anyway and picked up a cute pink flamingo beanie baby. I figured I wasn't going to send a kid of mine into a party without a gift, even if she didn't know the birthday girl. As I saw the other gifts - nearly all "HSM2" themed (except for some Hannah Montana items, which I believe is a tv show) I had a moment of panic. We'd brought something too babyish! I was going to bring shame on my child for bringing a dumb gift. But the flamingo was well-received. Whew. E had a hard time oohing and aahing over the movie and tv-related gifts, but she did her best. She was clearly out of her element - she has no clue who Hannah Montana is - but managed well.
She could not help herself from a slight eye-roll when one girl sighed and said with great emotion "I love Sharpay's (the main character, and yes it is pronounced like the dog) clothes!" Ugh.
The movie came back on and everyone settled in. By the end most of the girls were pretty tired, except maybe the ones who'd consumed 3 juice boxes and were a little cranked up. E was ready to go home as soon as it was over. She thanked the birthday girl for inviting, accepted her treat bag (all HSM 2 items, natch), thanked the mom, and sighed with relief when we got into the car.
She has no expectation of seeing these girls again. I think she had a nice time, and it was an interesting experience for her.
I thought about the fact that I'm raising a family of freaks. My kids have no exposure to all this stuff. We don't buy school supplies related to movie and tv themes. I teach my kids NOT to buy any items with movie and tv themes. And they don't seem to want them, even when they are related to movies they know - Narnia, for example. I am really, really happy about that. I'm happy that she didn't drool over Sharpay's clothing, which was... you know. I'm happy that watching that didn't want to make her take a hip-hop dance class!
But there is a bit of a downside too, isn't there? When we lived in Oregon we were in a little Christian homeschooler cocoon. I didn't do that on purpose - I would have loved more contact, more friends who were different from us. But that's the way it worked out. When we moved, I was happily anticipating developing friendships outside that box. But I am not sure those friendships will develop since we live in such a different world. Can a child who doesn't live a life saturated with media and entertainment really relate to a child who does?
First off, we have never seen "High School Musical" (1), which didn't matter for watching the movie, but put us at a disadvantage for conversation with the other girls. They were singing the songs, talking about the characters and the plot, talking about the clothes. They were nice, and pleasant, and friendly - not cliquish or rude at all - but still it was obvious E did not fit in. She was ignorant of the culture she was in, and couldn't participate in the conversation.
Before the movie the Disney channel had a tv show on that was related to the movie, and we were semi-watching that before the real attraction started. It was so dumb. E just kept looking at me with this quizzical look in her eyes. I just smiled and shrugged, trying to convey "go along with it."
Oh, there was a time countdown too, and when it got to the last 60 seconds before the movie, the girls started counting down the time with it. They were really whipped into a frenzy when it came to zero. They got up, screaming and dancing. Like that Ed Sullivan show with the Beatles, only these were 8 year olds!
Then the thunder and lightning started and something happened to the satellite. The picture got all scribbly and then when out. It came back quickly, though... this time.
The movie itself was OK. Cute, pretty innocent. The girls' clothes were the worst thing about it, for me. The dancing was fun except for those exaggerated thrusting movements. (I don't think Elvis was ever that obvious.) The story was silly and predictable (indeed, my hostess told me that the story was pretty much the same as the first movie), but OK. OKish, let's say. One thing that struck me - a good thing - other than the main (bad) character, the girls were mostly not model-thin. In fact there was at least one girl who was downright fat (obese) but not played for laughs - she was just another of the friends, not the fat girl. (Though one of the girls at the party - the only one who might have been called fat - commented very negatively on the fat girl's weight. Interesting.)
About halfway through the movie the satellite went out again. The girls decided to find a game and started up Twister. This was the most fun part for E. Then, the birthday gifts were opened. Yes, this was a birthday party, though we had been assured that no gift was expected. We stopped off anyway and picked up a cute pink flamingo beanie baby. I figured I wasn't going to send a kid of mine into a party without a gift, even if she didn't know the birthday girl. As I saw the other gifts - nearly all "HSM2" themed (except for some Hannah Montana items, which I believe is a tv show) I had a moment of panic. We'd brought something too babyish! I was going to bring shame on my child for bringing a dumb gift. But the flamingo was well-received. Whew. E had a hard time oohing and aahing over the movie and tv-related gifts, but she did her best. She was clearly out of her element - she has no clue who Hannah Montana is - but managed well.
She could not help herself from a slight eye-roll when one girl sighed and said with great emotion "I love Sharpay's (the main character, and yes it is pronounced like the dog) clothes!" Ugh.
The movie came back on and everyone settled in. By the end most of the girls were pretty tired, except maybe the ones who'd consumed 3 juice boxes and were a little cranked up. E was ready to go home as soon as it was over. She thanked the birthday girl for inviting, accepted her treat bag (all HSM 2 items, natch), thanked the mom, and sighed with relief when we got into the car.
She has no expectation of seeing these girls again. I think she had a nice time, and it was an interesting experience for her.
I thought about the fact that I'm raising a family of freaks. My kids have no exposure to all this stuff. We don't buy school supplies related to movie and tv themes. I teach my kids NOT to buy any items with movie and tv themes. And they don't seem to want them, even when they are related to movies they know - Narnia, for example. I am really, really happy about that. I'm happy that she didn't drool over Sharpay's clothing, which was... you know. I'm happy that watching that didn't want to make her take a hip-hop dance class!
But there is a bit of a downside too, isn't there? When we lived in Oregon we were in a little Christian homeschooler cocoon. I didn't do that on purpose - I would have loved more contact, more friends who were different from us. But that's the way it worked out. When we moved, I was happily anticipating developing friendships outside that box. But I am not sure those friendships will develop since we live in such a different world. Can a child who doesn't live a life saturated with media and entertainment really relate to a child who does?
Friday, August 10, 2007
Fidelia is here!
The new doll arrived yesterday. She arrived in the middle of a rush, so we had to bring her box into the house and then leave for a few hours. E was so excited but didn't complain about having to leave - she had been waiting what seemed like a long time for her doll. When we got home, of course she opened the box up right away. She was very excited but also I think a little sad that she has no girlfriends here yet, to show her doll off to...This is one beautiful doll. Very well made, and just lovely to look at. Her clothes are so nice, too. I know any I make will just look shoddy in comparison. (But she will like them anyway!)
I am not sure if Fidelia will always be her name. She was chosen because she looks most like E's Bitty Baby, Sarah, so she is the big sister. So far Sarah is still sleeping with her little mama, while the big sister sleeps nearby.
Now I need to find my sewing machine and fabric and get to work on some other clothes!
Fidelia came from www.visionforum.com. Everything we have ever purchased from them has been very high quality, so I shouldn't be surprised that Fidelia is too.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
There is a pit bull sleeping on my back deck.
This morning we saw her wandering around the yard. No collar. Sad eyes. Expressive ears. We took some water out; she sniffed it and walked away. It is horrid water; we drink filtered water but sorry, dog, you want a drink, you get tap water. E wanted to put out some food, but the only dog-appropriate food I have is some leftover steak, and that's for our dinner tonight. Sorry, dog, no steak for you either.
E was excited and couldn't wait to tell J. He has been wanting a dog for a long time and is anxious to get one. We will, but we don't do things quickly around here, especially when they involve long-term commitments. So we have all been praying about the dog situation: that we'd find a dog, the right dog for our family, and that we'd (J) be patient while we wait. And that we'd show our interest by researching dog training, etc.
When J came in, E pointed the dog out right away. I predicted his response: "Oh, a dog! Our dog?" he asked, brightly and expectantly. As if we'd engaged some overnight dog delivery service to drop off a dog but no food or other dog accessories. I have to admit I had a moment of wondering if this was God's response to our prayers, but that instead of the perky Lab puppy we all want, we'd get a grown (maybe? how do I know?) dog of a breed I know only bad things about.
She's snoozing quite contentedly in the shade.
E was excited and couldn't wait to tell J. He has been wanting a dog for a long time and is anxious to get one. We will, but we don't do things quickly around here, especially when they involve long-term commitments. So we have all been praying about the dog situation: that we'd find a dog, the right dog for our family, and that we'd (J) be patient while we wait. And that we'd show our interest by researching dog training, etc.
When J came in, E pointed the dog out right away. I predicted his response: "Oh, a dog! Our dog?" he asked, brightly and expectantly. As if we'd engaged some overnight dog delivery service to drop off a dog but no food or other dog accessories. I have to admit I had a moment of wondering if this was God's response to our prayers, but that instead of the perky Lab puppy we all want, we'd get a grown (maybe? how do I know?) dog of a breed I know only bad things about.
She's snoozing quite contentedly in the shade.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Celebrating Independence from junk
Yesterday we had our big dumpster party. We had one of those big "roll-off" (technical term) containers delivered to our driveway to get rid of assorted... stuff... that has accumulated. We ended up with one bigger than we'd requested, and it turned out to be a good thing.
It's amazing how much stuff builds up over 9 years when a family has no motivation to get rid of it. Meaning, we are lazy and we have a lot of space. Today I also made some rounds, getting rid of some old paint (actually left by previous owners), my wedding gown (to a charity that provides gowns for women with cancer), some storage cabinets (to a friend who met us at a home depot parking lot to make the drop) and some books (used book store).
It feels wonderful to get rid of unwanted stuff. I just feel a little weight falling off my shoulders with each toss into the dumpster or each dropoff.
So if anyone is wondering how we're doing getting ready to move, there you go.
Oh, the kids had some fun with fireworks last night too. They said it was the best 4th of July ever. It was good to see them having fun as they are dreading the move more, the closer it gets.
It's amazing how much stuff builds up over 9 years when a family has no motivation to get rid of it. Meaning, we are lazy and we have a lot of space. Today I also made some rounds, getting rid of some old paint (actually left by previous owners), my wedding gown (to a charity that provides gowns for women with cancer), some storage cabinets (to a friend who met us at a home depot parking lot to make the drop) and some books (used book store).
It feels wonderful to get rid of unwanted stuff. I just feel a little weight falling off my shoulders with each toss into the dumpster or each dropoff.
So if anyone is wondering how we're doing getting ready to move, there you go.
Oh, the kids had some fun with fireworks last night too. They said it was the best 4th of July ever. It was good to see them having fun as they are dreading the move more, the closer it gets.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Lonely
Last night was the first I ever spent completely alone in this house. C was in Philadelphia signing the papers on our house. The kids are spending some time with friends. I was alone from about 2 yesterday afternoon and will be till I pick C up at the airport late tonight. The kids will be home tomorrow.
I got a lot of errands run and a lot of packing done. I shifted some things around and I'm still looking for the rake. I made plans for a work day at our house this Saturday - a friend arranged for some folks to come over and help us spiff up the place a little for the family who'll be living here. . I picked up a little outside. It's amazing how much junk gets around when we're working on the house!
But it was a long night and it's lonely here!
I got a lot of errands run and a lot of packing done. I shifted some things around and I'm still looking for the rake. I made plans for a work day at our house this Saturday - a friend arranged for some folks to come over and help us spiff up the place a little for the family who'll be living here. . I picked up a little outside. It's amazing how much junk gets around when we're working on the house!
But it was a long night and it's lonely here!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The head gets it; the heart's not there yet.
My J is getting really anxious about our upcoming move. We are planning to leave in about 4 weeks. Every night we have to talk about why we are moving, and go through all his worries: that he won't meet any friends, that he won't like the weather, that our new house will be too small. He asks why we have to move. We go over it again; Daddy and I know that Dad should go to seminary. We just know it's right. J knows it too, in his head. He gets it. But his heart isn't there yet.
E is a little quieter about it now; she had her sad times and maybe is already feeling better about it. Or maybe she's just not talking right now. She likes feeling superior to her older brother so maybe she's enjoying looking like the mature child... hard to tell with that girl!
Yesterday was really hard; it was our last visit with some really good friends. New friends, but still. These are kids both J and E clicked with the minute they met. There was none of that awkwardness that can come with meeting a new kid. They met and immediately started having fun. Those are hard friends to say goodbye to.
There are also some friends they've known all their lives. Literally - we met one family when our oldest kids were 18 months old, and the next oldest were newborns. That family went on to have 2 more kids; we stopped. We still see them often. My kids don't know what it's like not to see them several times a month.
There are old friends who don't live so close anymore, but close enough we can visit on a day trip or a quick overnight.
There are friends we knew we would enjoy but didn't have time to get to know well.
And all the other friends too!
J did show some wisdom in our latest talk. Our current house is not in a neighborhood, so my kids don't have spontaneous play opportunities with kids on the block. So they don't deal much with mean kids, or kids they just don't get along with. Our new house will be in an old-fashioned American suburb. Potential for lots of kids (or, maybe not; we visited the house on a school day so didn't see anyone, but it looks like a kid neighborhood). He is nervous about that, about meeting a bully. He said "here's my tactic for meeting new kids in the neighborhood. I'll keep an eye on everyone to see how they treat the other kids. If they aren't nice to the other kids, I'll steer clear." We talked about being kind to everyone but not making a close friendship with any one person right away - about discernment and how to develop that when it comes to people.
Of course I'm a little nervous about the whole neighborhood thing too. I've never lived, as a mom, in a "regular" neighborhood. I've always been able to pick and choose the people we come in contact with. I've never experienced some of the things my friends have: kids stopping by, asking to come in and play, even though the parents don't know each other. Neighbors who expect the stay-home mom to watch over the neighborhood while they're at work. People who are loud or vulgar or have the tv blasting some kind of garbage I'd rather my kids didn't sit around to watch. These are the experiences of people I know! Of course they have nice neighbors too, but it's always so much easier to focus on the scary parts of moving.
I've been reading Moving With Kids by Lori Collins Burgan. Nothing I didn't already know, but good reminders. She goes over the stages of grief, a la Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (who wrote in the context of dying): denial, grief, anger, acceptance. I think I missed one. Anyway, my kids are in the grief stage now. Wonder if we can skip that anger stage?
E is a little quieter about it now; she had her sad times and maybe is already feeling better about it. Or maybe she's just not talking right now. She likes feeling superior to her older brother so maybe she's enjoying looking like the mature child... hard to tell with that girl!
Yesterday was really hard; it was our last visit with some really good friends. New friends, but still. These are kids both J and E clicked with the minute they met. There was none of that awkwardness that can come with meeting a new kid. They met and immediately started having fun. Those are hard friends to say goodbye to.
There are also some friends they've known all their lives. Literally - we met one family when our oldest kids were 18 months old, and the next oldest were newborns. That family went on to have 2 more kids; we stopped. We still see them often. My kids don't know what it's like not to see them several times a month.
There are old friends who don't live so close anymore, but close enough we can visit on a day trip or a quick overnight.
There are friends we knew we would enjoy but didn't have time to get to know well.
And all the other friends too!
J did show some wisdom in our latest talk. Our current house is not in a neighborhood, so my kids don't have spontaneous play opportunities with kids on the block. So they don't deal much with mean kids, or kids they just don't get along with. Our new house will be in an old-fashioned American suburb. Potential for lots of kids (or, maybe not; we visited the house on a school day so didn't see anyone, but it looks like a kid neighborhood). He is nervous about that, about meeting a bully. He said "here's my tactic for meeting new kids in the neighborhood. I'll keep an eye on everyone to see how they treat the other kids. If they aren't nice to the other kids, I'll steer clear." We talked about being kind to everyone but not making a close friendship with any one person right away - about discernment and how to develop that when it comes to people.
Of course I'm a little nervous about the whole neighborhood thing too. I've never lived, as a mom, in a "regular" neighborhood. I've always been able to pick and choose the people we come in contact with. I've never experienced some of the things my friends have: kids stopping by, asking to come in and play, even though the parents don't know each other. Neighbors who expect the stay-home mom to watch over the neighborhood while they're at work. People who are loud or vulgar or have the tv blasting some kind of garbage I'd rather my kids didn't sit around to watch. These are the experiences of people I know! Of course they have nice neighbors too, but it's always so much easier to focus on the scary parts of moving.
I've been reading Moving With Kids by Lori Collins Burgan. Nothing I didn't already know, but good reminders. She goes over the stages of grief, a la Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (who wrote in the context of dying): denial, grief, anger, acceptance. I think I missed one. Anyway, my kids are in the grief stage now. Wonder if we can skip that anger stage?
Monday, May 28, 2007
Planks in my eye
I tell my kids not to strew the newspaper all over the living room floor, then trip on the newspaper I've strewn all over the kitchen floor.
I sigh, exasperated with my child for forgetting to take his allergy meds, then realize I have heartburn because I haven't taken my meds in a few days.
I rail at my kids to stop stacking books and papers on the kitchen chairs, then notice my own stack on the chair next to me.
I admonish them for not putting things away in their proper places, and wonder how our family motto came to be "it's around" as I spend 15 minutes looking for the tape dispenser that I left "somewhere."
As I look at the pile of laundry on top of my unmade bed, waiting to be folded, I wonder how my children came to be such slobs.
I sigh, exasperated with my child for forgetting to take his allergy meds, then realize I have heartburn because I haven't taken my meds in a few days.
I rail at my kids to stop stacking books and papers on the kitchen chairs, then notice my own stack on the chair next to me.
I admonish them for not putting things away in their proper places, and wonder how our family motto came to be "it's around" as I spend 15 minutes looking for the tape dispenser that I left "somewhere."
As I look at the pile of laundry on top of my unmade bed, waiting to be folded, I wonder how my children came to be such slobs.
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