Friday, January 09, 2009

Mocking the Millers

Most Christian homeschooling families are familiar with the "Miller" books. These storybooks, written from a Mennonite perspective, aim to teach Biblical lessons via stories. We have a few of them; I've read the stories to the kids and from time to time my girl brings them out to read.

The kids in the Miller family rarely fight or disobey. But when they do, Mom Miller never yells or scolds loudly, but corrects them in a soft, gentle voice. And Dad Miller is stern but not mean; "sober" is the usual description of his manner when disciplining the children. Just about every story ends with the family at evening devotions, and the Bible verse of the night always, always fits whatever bad thing happened during the day, whether one child wrongly accused another of stealing stickers, or someone ate too much candy, or was lazy, or...

(Some stories do deal with more serious matters, such as the death of a young girl. But we're not talking about those now.)

So the other day we were having a Bad Morning and all was chaos. Naturally, my girl brings out a Miller book and starts talking about how nice and calm and soft-spoken Mom Miller is, all the while glancing at me out of the corner of her eye meaningfully. Right, Mom Miller I am not.

The boy, always eager to mess up a cultural reference, starts in on Dad Miller. "Yeah, and Dad Miller must have ESPN to always know what verse to read at devotions!" No, I assure him, the Millers would never pay for premium cable, nor would they appreciate being linked with extra sensory perception. He slaps himself on the forehead in that "I coulda had a V8" way and joins his sister in mimicking the younger kids of the family. They agree that if the Millers ever visited our house "they'd be horrified!"

Yeah, well. I bet the Miller kids make their own breakfasts and help take down the Christmas decorations, too. Before January 9.


SmallWorld at Home said...

That is hilarious! And Oh, I am SO glad we didn't read the Millers today!! I pretty much had no Mrs. Miller characteristics, except I cooked supper.

HomeGrownKids said...

Oh dear, I'm afraid (not really) that I never have any Mrs. Miller characteristics- even when I'm doing *my best*.

I'm just too loud, too well, too everything!

LOL cool post!

Mrs. Darling said...

Hate to burst your bubble but the Miller children do not help fix breakfast or take decorations down. Let me tell you why.

Mother is always up at the crack of dawn and the children come downstairs or in from the barn and breakfast is already made. I know cause I was there! :)

They dont help take down christmad decorations either because its a sin to put them up in the first place! tee hee

The Mennonites also have a sunday school paper called Wee Lambs wherein every mother and every child is just like the Millers. All you have to say to compliment a Mennonite kid while speaking to his mother is to say, "He's such a wee lambs child," and the mother beams with joy.

Its also used to make fun of someone elses perfect kid and said in a tongue in cheek sort of way with eyes rolling, "What a wee lambs child!"

Yep all the kids in Mennonite literature are good kids. Wanna know something funny? When they write a book on a girl thats backsliding in her teens she will always be depicted as wearing pink or yellow, and be seen swinging her purse and popping bubble gum! I kid you not!